It’s human nature to want to get the very most out of life, but it’s inevitable that some things don’t turn out as we would have liked them to. You may be reluctant to take the leap, but adjusting your expectations may well make you happier.
As a student at Cambridge University, the world-renowned physicist and author Stephen Hawking was diagnosed with ALS, a progressive neurodegenerative disease. In Hawking’s case, it led to the gradual loss of his motor functions, eventually leaving him almost completely paralysed.
In an interview in 2004, Hawking was asked how he managed to remain so cheerful. “My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21,” he replied. “Everything since then has been a bonus.”
It’s a powerful lesson that all of us can learn from: human beings are generally happier when they lower their expectations. It’s not how things turn out that’s most important, but the gap between reality and what we were expecting. Adjusting your expectations really can be transformational.
The less we expect the happier we are
Take Clement Attlee, for example. Before Attlee became Prime Minister in 1945, his leadership skills were often called into question. Winston Churchill famously called him “a modest little man with plenty to be modest about”. Yet Attlee’s government implemented significant social reforms and established the foundation of the modern British welfare state. In a poll of 20 prominent historians, politicians and commentators for BBC Radio 4, Attlee was voted the third most successful premier of the 20th century, behind Churchill and David Lloyd George.
In fact, the rule that lower expectations lead to greater satisfaction applies to almost every aspect of life. We all know, for example, the pleasure we feel when a party we attend or a holiday we go on exceeds our expectations. It most definitely applies to our financial wellbeing too.
Shortly before he died at the age of 99, Warren Buffett’s business partner Charlie Munger was asked by CNBC to suggest the golden rule of happiness. “The secret,” he said, “is to lower your expectations. If your expectations and standards are very high and only allow yourself to be happy when things are exquisite, you’ll never be happy and grateful.
There will always be some flaw. But compare your experience with lower expectations, and you’ll find much in your experience of the world to love, cherish and enjoy, every single moment.”
As a hugely successful investor, Munger was one of the wealthiest people on the planet, so you may feel there’s a certain irony in a billionaire holding forth on adjusting your expectations. But Munger also faced huge struggles in his life. At age 29, he divorced after eight years of marriage and lost everything to his wife, including his house. The pain of that experience was compounded by the loss of his son from leukaemia. Years later, cataract surgery in his left eye left him with pain so severe that he eventually had the eye removed.
We all struggle
“The iron rule of life,” he said in that same interview with CNBC, “is that everybody struggles.” The key, he said, is not to expect things to go your way all the time, to avoid self-pity and “soldier through it” when misfortunes come.
The importance of managing your expectations is one of the core themes of Same as Ever, a new book by the financial author Morgan Housel.
Those who have unrealistic expectations, says Housel, are going to spend their whole lives miserable. “You want to have reasonable expectations,” he writes, “and take life’s results, good and bad, as they happen with a certain amount of stoicism.”
The hedonic treadmill
One of the problems people face as their wealth grows is that their expectations grow as well, and often rather faster. So, for example, we buy a top-of-the-range car, but, before long, we’re thinking about the next one, or we buy a house and decide it’s not big enough. It’s a phenomenon psychologists call the hedonic treadmill.
“We spend so much effort,” Housel writes, “trying to improve our income, skills, and ability to forecast the future — all good stuff worthy of our attention. But on the other side there’s an almost complete ignorance of expectations, especially managing them with as much effort as we put into changing our circumstances.”
You might be reading this and thinking, “I don’t want to lower my expectations, and I want my financial adviser to help me become as wealthy as possible, not to suggest I settle for less.”
To be clear, a good financial planner will help you achieve whatever it is you really want. Unfortunately, though, many people aren’t completely honest with themselves about what that actually is. They might think, for example, that they want to earn and spend more money, when, in fact, chasing those goals is stopping them from being happier and more fulfilled.
It’s not all about money
Financial planning isn’t just about money; it’s about working out what you really want from life and ensuring you have the resources you need to achieve it. Being rich and being truly wealthy are two very different things.
It’s very common, for example, for new rockwealth clients to embark on the financial planning process and realise that they want something completely different. They often decide they want to prioritise time with, say, their grandchildren, travelling or pursuing new hobbies and interests. In many cases they’re pleasantly surprised when we tell them they may already have enough money to lead the lives they want without having to carry on working.
The uncomfortable truth is that life is short. You may never achieve what you once wanted in your career or the level of wealth that you were hoping for. But, if you don’t change your expectations, the danger is that you’ll never be happy.
Adjusting your expectations is part of planning
A skilful financial planner can help you to manage your expectations and to check that you’re making the most of life as it actually is, instead of focusing on what you would have liked it to be.
The good news is that, while much of what happens to us is outside of our control, lowering your expectations — of yourself, of others and of life in general — is very much up to you.
You can’t always get what you want, or think you want, in life. But you really can improve your happiness by adjusting your expectations.
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At rockwealth, everything we do is designed to help our clients to lead the lives they truly want to and enjoy the deep sense of satisfaction that comes from realising their hopes and dreams.
If you’d like to learn more about proper financial life planning, and what it can do for you and your loved one, why not get in touch?
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rockwealth Leeds is an evidence-based and fee-only Independent Financial Adviser situated in the City of Leeds, West Yorkshire.About Us: Nestled in the bustling centre of Leeds, rockwealth is your dedicated local financial planning firm, offering a plethora of financial services. From tailored financial advice to comprehensive pension and retirement guidance, investment advice, and inheritance tax planning, we are here to facilitate your financial journey in Leeds and the broader West Yorkshire area.
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